Conversations with a Mirror...

मुक़दर से कब तक टकराया जाये अब , उसकी भी तो हसीयत कहाँ रही ... करूँ तो क्या करूँ ?  तकदीर को बस गले लगाया जाये अब , उसमे भी अब तब्दीलियाँ कहाँ रही ... करूँ तो क्या करूँ ? इतेफाकों की भी गुंजाइश ख़तम अब , सबब में भी समझ कहाँ रही ... करूँ तो क्या करूँ ? उमीदों की भी आस ख़तम अब , हसरतों में अब वो हंसी कहाँ रही ... करूँ तो क्या करूँ ? दुआओं की भी जरुरत किसे अब , खुदाई में उसकी अब वो रजा कहाँ रही ... करूँ तो क्या करूँ ? ऐतबार करें तो करें किसका अब , आंसुओं में भी मेरे अब वो नमी कहाँ रही ... करूँ तो क्या करूँ ?

I was wandering through this deserted desert, feeling the sun's scorching hot rays on my body. There was just me and the sand to fill my dream . The hot blistering sand scratched against my feet. The whoosh past my ear, the scream through the body of that dried cactus. Sure, it was hot .   What was more striking was the dryness of it, which made breathing much harder then before. I lusted for water, wanted to feel the cool droplets tingling on my tongue... And then just from no where I saw a mirage. I knew it's an illusion but what choice I had ? I started feeling the satisfaction of the first sip of that imaginary but not so   deniable  water. It was so real. I can trace back its path starting from my lips, through some intestinal hollow pipe to all the way down. I couldn't continue. Yet, I crawled. All the way to the end. But somehwere in my mind I knew the truth . Was neither able to bear the thirst anymore, nor  able to wake up....

मजबूरियों को हम बस, आँखों में छुपा लिया करते हैं... हम कहाँ रोते हैं बस, हालात रुला दिया करते हैं... हम तो हर पल उन्ही को याद किया करते हैं, पर वो, याद ना करने का इलज़ाम लगा दिया करते हैं... चाहते तो हम भी थे चलना इक सफ़र सुहाना ज़िन्दगी का, पर अँधेरे, अधूरे से रास्ते हमें गुमनाम बना ही दिया करते हैं... मजबूरियों को हम बस, आँखों में छुपा लिया करते हैं... हम कहाँ रोते हैं बस, हालात रुला दिया करते हैं...

A fatal kind of love, That would be yours and mine... A consistent fear, yet a tasty "wine" !!! You are killing me softly, without saying a word, It takes a lethal combination to sooth this burn !!! Which way to go, is what keeps us guessing... Will it be you, or me, to do the messing? To catch a feeling, my god , it's the worse... You were once a blessing, but now a curse! This monster, YOU created him !!! So love it, or leave it, But live to hate it... - Devilish

Your time had come, as I held the gun! Couldn't sit still, to scared to feel... Body wired, mind at a loss, What came next depended on the toss! So get up off your knees moth'fucker! Let us play! Which one of us will it be, that lives to see Another day? So spin the barrel, forget blame! Close your eyes, point and aim! Only a fool whose own blood they've spattered? Now it is your brains that's been splattered! But, a heads up... we'll meet again, on the other side! As for now it was YOU that had to die tonight!!!

Your just a part time lover... Steady, waiting in line behind another.. Oh no not tonight baby - it's his turn ! Once again your feeling burned ! Maybe tomorrow though, i'll let you know... She says, If he's not around, then it's a go... Just what is it that has you this way ? Slips right by when you promised today ! Oh wait - Is that the phone ? Anxiously waiting for the next time around... Cause i'm addicted to how you always put it down!! But as you lay down alone again tonight... Just pray that tomorrow -- she'll come through and make everything right, again !! Coz, you are just a part time lover... Steady, waiting in line behind another...

Through oddly tinted glasses, I scan the grey of death – Stone cold, bone old: In awe I hold an artefact of life inside the eye! The skin, a world it bore Regaling eyes with lands it saw – Perhaps it aired his vanity of mind – Man’s affliction – Self-attraction; narcissistic psyches Doomed to flailing near the end, Drowning in the tortured seas of egos... The girls, a score upon the board of kudos – A sort of aromatic ethos borne of ‘roids Writhing in a world of incidental sex Where monomaniacal minds had lost the plot – With hands evolved for groping, Lips evolved for soaking in secreted juices Err they die and rot, without a proper tale of life to tell.... Dear friend, were we to ever trust our goals? No? And now you know the reason why you died – Like all, you’d been denied.... Now over to you, the curious: You’ll also fray through mechanisms best forgot: So watch your living – There’s no forgiving after death, The turning point when you’ll have had your ...

मैं तुझ में कुछ अपना देखता था, जो शायद तुम देख नहीं पाए... मैं तुझ में कुछ अपना सोचता था, जो शायद तुम सोच नहीं पाए... वादे भी किये थे बहुत से तुमने, जो शायद तुम निभा नहीं पाए... कुछ अधूरे सपने भी देखे थे मैंने, जो शायद तुम देख नहीं पाए... धडकनों से वाकिफ कराने की कोशिश भी की, जो शायद तुम सुन नहीं पाए... कुछ तो बात होगी हमारे अंदाज़-ए-वफ़ा में, जो शायद तुम भी भुला नहीं पाए... मैं तुझ में कुछ अपना देखता था, जो शायद तुम देख नहीं पाए... मैं तुझ में कुछ अपना सोचता था, जो शायद तुम सोच नहीं पाए...

"You are crazzy my bwoyyyyyy !!!" A friend of mine replied to me on FB when he came to know that I am going for a 1800 km ride to Bangalore. Of course it was a crazy plan, but I guess it's good to be crazy about something you really love. It was that accident almost 5 months back which was holding me back in the start. I was scared, over cautious and was over thinking about the trip for obvious reasons. Was even looking for some other options available. But you know-- everyone crashes. Some get back on, some don't and some can't. In the end, I thought whats the fun going this long in a 4 wheeler. It'll be like walking in rain with an umbrella. So it was just me, Vivek bhaiya and his bike. ( I can't tell you, how much I missed my " baby ".)    My favorite thing is to go where I've never gone. I forgot everything when I started riding. It was just me and the highway, talking to each other. Long rides teaches you to trust your instincts and the ...

It was the most amazing sunset I have ever seen. The intensity and light was just too perfect to calm my soul down. It would be as if a powerful symphony was quieting down, becoming more emotional and beautiful as it dies down. But suddenly i turned back towards the other side, and I saw a very familiar shape . Whispering in my ear that you will see him again.  I was alone that evening. Its not what I like or usually do, but sometimes you just feel like walking away from everything. There are times when no one understands you. Every conversation looks unfamiliar. Every single word you hear seems confusing. When there is no one around to talk to.  When you truly understand that you are alone . But than you turn around and see that familiar shape standing just next to you.   We call him our shadow and most of the time we ignore its existence.  He's always there - the thing I like about him. Where ever you go, he follows. Neve...

कोई रात है पूनम तो कोई है अमावस, चांदनी उसी की है जो चाँद पाना सीख ले... यूँ तो सभी आये हैं रोते हुए इस जहाँ में, पर सारा जहाँ है उसी का जो मुस्कुराना सीख ले... कुछ भी नज़र न आये अंधेरों में रहकर, रौशनी है उसी की जो शमा जलाना सीख ले... हर गली में “मंदिर”, हर राह में “मस्जिद” है, पर खुदाई है उसकी जो सर झुकाना सीख ले... हर सीने में दिल, हर दिल में मोहब्बत है, पर प्यार मिलता है उसी को जो दिल लगाना सीख ले... लोंगो का काफिला उसी के साथ है, जो सच्चे दिल से रिश्ते निभाना सीख ले... ख़ुशी की तलाश में ज़िन्दगी गुज़र जाती है, पर खुशियाँ उन्ही को मिलती हैं जो दूसरों के गम मिटाना सीख ले...

तेरी आँखों के इशारों की बोहोत याद आई, आज पतझड़ में बहारों की बोहोत याद आई... जब लडखडाता हूँ निकल कर मैखाने से, तेरी बांहों के सहारों की बोहोत याद आई... जब भी पोंछे हैं आंसू मेंने हाथों से, तेरे दामन के किनारों की बोहोत याद आई... तेरी आँखों के इशारों की बोहोत याद आई, आज पतझड़ में बहारों की बोहोत याद आई...

"Hey !! what are you doing ?" this can be the most normal conversation starter for most of you reading this, but for me its more then that. I reply "Nothing..." Some laugh, some get confused and some do reply back "Teach me how to do nothing !!!"   I love talking about nothing . I feel its the only thing I know something about now a days. People think about tomorrow, the things they will be doing tomorrow, the outcome of those things, they  know about tomorrow more than me. I just wait. A long hollow day and sleepless night is all I have. I know what absolute stillness is. This stillness makes me think. Think about every passing moment, every passed moment and the transitions between them. I am aware of the enormous apparatus of nothingness - the hum of the songs I listen all day long in my headphones, the emptiness of the pointless interruption. I am the spectator of the war inside myself and tragedy is I am afraid to be on either side this tim...

किताबों के पन्ने पलट कर सोचता हूँ, यूँ जिंदगी पलट जाये तो क्या बात है... तमन्ना जो पूरी हों ख्वाबों में, हकीकत बन मुखातिब हो तो क्या बात है... मतलब में तो जहान ढूंढ़ता है मुझे, बिन मतलब कोई आवाज़ लगाये तो क्या बात है... कतल कर के तो सब ले जायें जान मेरी, कोई दिल से धडकनें चुराले तो क्या बात है... शरीफों की शराफत में जो बात ना हो, दो जाम छलकाकर कोई कह जाये तो क्या बात है... सांसें चलने तक तो नहीं रुलाऊंगा किसी को, कोई मेरी लाश पर भी मुस्कुरा जाये तो क्या बात है... -- Rohitash Varshney , edited by me

" Where did you found him ?? I hate him... " my bhrata shree shouted with crying eyes out and a razor blade in his hand. According to my mata shree, this happened when I was 2 and he was 4 years old. Old enough to draw a freaking LOC on back of my head with that razor blade he found out, God knows from where. I am not going to tell you the punishment he got for that but it was quite a good one I can assure. :P  I don't even remember this happening because I know that he can never hate me.Yes, he used to beat the living crap outta me - I realized I am not always right and he's the one who'll be protecting me. Yes, he always came first in the race of getting ready for school, all those years - I got 5 more minutes to sleep. Yes, he always got to bat first whenever we played that stupid game of cricket - I became a better all rounder. Yes, he fought sometimes for his stupid stuff with me - I learned caring about what matters to you. Yes, he shared that dream ...

A very good friend of mine was sitting next to me scratching Facebook's common wall. Suddenly, he saw a crappy update of his EX's. "Damn it... Why can't someone be happy to see others happy. For God's sake its over and I am happy with someone I love .. What's her problem ? I don't understand... I guess its the same old mentality that comes after a breakup, How can he or she is happy and I have to bear this never ending pain ? "  A very simple question and a very true behavior from both the ends too. You can't blame anyone for this situation after all. Its been more then a year of there break up now and slowly but steadily my friend started living like a 22 year old single guy again. I don't know about his ex, but I don't think shes seeing someone after reading what she wrote. Now lets get back to the question -- Is it this feeling of going through some sort of unbearable pain alone or there is something more to it ?    What I fe...

Love can be a many splendid thing Has another joy you bring A dozen roses Diamond rings Dreams for sale And fairy tales It'll make you hear a symphony And you'll just want the world to see But like a drunk that makes you blind It'll fool you every time The trouble with love is It can tear you up inside Make your heart believe a lie Gets stronger then your pride The trouble with love is It doesn't care how fast you fall And you can't refuse the call See you've got no say at all Now I was just a once a fool it's true I played the game by all the rules But now my world's a deeper blue I'm sadder but I'm wiser too I swore I'd never love again I swore my heart would never mend Said love wasn't worth the pain But then I hear it call my name Every time I turn around I think I've got it all My heart keeps callin And I keep on fallin Over and over again This set story always ends the same Me standin in th...

  CONTINUED FROM : Yeah this happens. And Mr.Doofus still cant find the answers about anything . What just happened there ? They  were happy he thought. May be something he did. May be something else. May be nothing at all. So, here is my theory on this -- "Women are not complex, men are damn simple !!!" There are a hell lot of possibilities behind the sad story you just read, my take Mr.Doofus -- Predictable and Miss.Short Skirt --- Over-thinker, emotional just like every other girl you know. You can stop clapping now, just take a seat and let me explain myself. When most of the men I know have a problem, they deal with it, wash their hands of it, and only seem to talk about it while making jokes at barbecues. I'm sure cultural ideas of how men need to be strong emotionally has something to do with the low number of men who openly exhibit over-thinking, so I don't want to give the impression that men never over-think. Women,...

"Hey, I am Mr.Doofus." "Wassup Mr. Doofus, I m Miss.Short Skirt." -- And this is how Mr.Doofus meets Miss.Short Skirt. Although Mr.Doofus is quite a smart and good looking man, but he is a man after all. On the other hand Miss.Short Skirt knew he was interested as soon as she saw he just can't get his eyes off of her. (or may be off her long, skinny, tanned legs of-course.. :P) They had a couple of drinks and a nice time together. Exchanged numbers, she smiled and away she goes. Mr.Doofus was smiling too, he had her number for Christ's  sake. Pays the bill, drives back home. So, I guess this is why you see only Tom Cruise and Julia Roberts falling for each other and saying - It was love at first sight !! to there friends at the dinner table. Not some fat guy with beard or a girl with braces on. Coz looks matters, that is the very first criteria for choosing a guy or a gal from thousand others. The knowing each-other  and stuff comes very much after that. I...

" What if , we would have done that instead of this ? " There comes a day in our life when we ask "the" question to ourselves. Whether it is the night before your 12th grade board examination, after 3rd quarter of a very important basketball match, when you are staring your final sem's result or the day when you start searching yourself in a queue of thousand others. No matter how hard we try there is always a doubt-We can do better than this !!! But the question is will this so called doubt will take us to the heights of our dreams or we'll fall down on our knees one more time. Yes- I took a chance for myself. Yes- I stood for myself. Yes- I made a decision after thinking over and over again for hours and sleepless nights. Then why am I asking "the" question now ? I took a wrong turn towards my future i guess or am I scared of failure now ? may be it is the burden of expectations ? I got the answer then and there itself. It is the huge...

जो चाहा था वो कब मिला है जो सोचा था वो कब ढला है जो है, वो नसीब ही है अब जो होगा वो किसने देखा है अनगिनत सपने देखे है जाने कब आँखें खुल जाये... क्यूँ तू इन खवाबों में जीता है ? दिल आखिर तू क्यूँ रोता है... जब-जब दर्द की बदली छाए जब गम के साये यूँ लहराए जब आंसू पलकों तक भी आए जब ये तनहा दिल, कुछ घबराये मन दिल की दीवारों से टकराए वास्तविकता हमे कुछ यूँ समझाए... क्यूँ तू इन उदासियों में खोता है ? दिल आखिर तू क्यूँ रोता है... ये जो गहरे सन्नाटे हैं वक़्त ने सबको ही बांटे हैं थोडा गम है सबका किस्सा थोड़ी धुप है सबका हिस्सा आँख तेरी बेकार ही नम है हर पल एक नया मौसम है... क्यूँ तू ऐसे पल खोता है ? दिल आखिर तू क्यूँ रोता है... P.S: Inspired from a poem by Mr.Javed Akhtar

अजब दिन थे मोहब्त के, अजब दिन थे रफ़ाक़त के... कभी गर याद आजाएं तो , पलकों पे सितारे झिलमिलाते हैं... किसी की याद में अक्सर, रातें लापता थी अपनी कभी गर नींद आ जाती, तो सोच लेते थे हम अभी तो वो हमारे वास्ते रोया नहीं होगा, शायद वो भी अभी सोया नहीं होगा... अभी हम भी नहीं रोते, अभी हम भी नहीं सोते... हम जागते थे, उनको याद करते थे अकेले बैठ कर वीरान दिल, आबाद करते थे... हमारे सामने तारों के झुरमुट में, पूरा चाँद होता था... जो उसके हुस्न के आगे तब भी, निहायत मांद होता था... मैं जब कहता की, रात आँखों में गुजरी है... तो वो खामोश रहती थी, पर उसकी झील सी आँखें अचानक बोल उठती थी... मैं जब उसको बताता था, की उन रोशन सितारों में- "तुम्हारा नाम देखा है "... तो वो कहती, तुम झूट कहते हो- सितारे मैंने देखे थे, उन रोशन सितारों मैंने तुम्हारा नाम लिखा था... अजब मासूम लड़की थी, मुझे कहती थी, लगता है- अब अपने सितारे मिल ही जायेंगे... मगर उसको खबर क्या थी ? की किनारे मिल नहीं सकते, इस मोहब्बत की कहानी में, अपने सितारे मिल नहीं सकते... अजब दिन थे मोहब्त के, अजब द...

I met some fast-easy women and some hard drinking men Trying to drown the sorrow in me I once had a lot but, the future is not What it used to be... The years they went by and I went steadily down Till I had no place to go Made the whisky lines by morning and the rum every night Wrecking my body and soul... And then I met a lady and in time she made me forget Yes her love set me free We ain't got a lot, but the future is not What it used to be... I never thought I could live to get over For the past cut a hole deep in me But there's a chance I'll be here a while longer At least, now I wanna be... That I know your sorrow and I know your pain Don't you know, I know your need I used to love you a lot, but the future is not What it used to be...

The pain I can control The pain that makes me whole The pain that stops and brings some tears The pain that erases all my fears The pain that I inflict with this knife The pain that might be last in my life The pain that brought me to my knees The pain that woa'ed me full of pleas The pain that made me see the light The pain that is bringing me home tonight The pain that my friends say is wrong The pain that makes me feel so strong The pain thats not just pain to me The pain that makes everyone see The pain that I'm addicted to The pain I can't give up.. Not even for you..

ना तुम मुस्कुराते, ना ये बात होती... ना यूँ बिजलियाँ चमकती, ना बेमौसम बरसात होती, ना दिल ही धड़कता हमारा, ना धडकनों में वो रफ़्तार होती, ना खवाबों में रोज़ मुलाकात होती, ना बहती सी जिंदगी यूँ थमी होती, ना गले लगाया होता तुमने, ना दुनिया हमारी तुम्ही में सिमटी होती, ना तुमने पलकों को झुकाया होता, ना वक़्त से पहले शब् ही ढली होती, ना तुमने कुछ कहा होता, ना हमने कुछ सुना होता... ना तुम मुस्कुराते, ना ये बात होती...  

" !@#$$%&, आज फिर आँखें बंद करते ही सुब्ह हो गयी !!! "            अगर आप भी हफ्ते के पहले पांच दिनों की शुरुआत कुछ ऐसे ही करते हैं तो मैं बेहिचक कह सकता हूँ की आप भी किसी देसी या विदेसी कंपनी को अपने दिन के एक-तिहाई घंटे उपहार में देते हैं.आज का थोड़ी,ये तो रोज़ ही का हाल है. हम तो सुब्ह उठकर किसी प्रकार की कसरत करने की हालत में होते नहीं हैं पर हर रोज़ कायदे से 4 गाली देकर,कम से कम उस थके से अलार्म की वर्जिश जरुर करा देते हैं.             किसी तरह आँखें मलते हुए सुबह के सारे क्रिया-कलाप समाप्त करके हम अब अपने उड़न-खटोले पे सवार हुए निकल चलते हैं अपनी "बिल्लो" से मिलने. अब हमारा तो बचपन से एक सीधा सा उसूल रहा है, जहाँ दिल न लगे वहां दिल लगाने के बहाने ढूंढ़ लीजिये तो जिंदगी थोड़ी सी आसान हो जाती है. अनन्या aka बिल्लो हमारा रोज़ घर से 15 km दूर कंपनी जाने का बहाना ही तो है. अरे हमे छोड़िए, हमारे ही floor के न जाने कितने दिलजले आशिक उसकी उन बिलोरी आँखों के पीछे देश-दुनिया परायी करे...